Consequences~

Is been a long time I didn't write my blog. Finally I can spend some time to write blog. Mainly to my university life. Can be say hectic life. Every time just started a semester, busy busy busy busy then until final examination, then semester break. But this semester more worse, maybe because of a lot of homework, really sometimes can control my emotion. Really wanted to scream loudly, " I BEH TAHAN LAR!!!!!". It looks easy, But problem is there was no ideal place for me to scream on it. Sometimes I bring this bad mood to some cases made my thinking not rational. Did something that should not do, in the end, really cannot control myself to do it even though I know the consequences. Sometimes someone really make really pekcek and u cannot tahan already and really do not know how to release my pekcekness. Then I try to listen to radio and heard that maybe we can voice out some discontent through media like Facebook. Then, I posted something so that I can distress myself from suffer from my anger by indirectly scolding to some people. But somehow, I realize that my action have been made some people angry to me. And through some friends, they told me that I shouldn't did this because it shows to everyone. But sometimes I really cannot control myself to voice out my discontent. Sometimes, it is hard to find people to talk with the problem that I faced. One day I go to temple  求签, it says that I will easily conflict with people around. I think it is quite true la. Can see people around me is started not bothering me because my act to talking bad about other people in Facebook. May be can say my acting just like a coward. To those I "hurt", I am so sorry that I used a wrong way to voice out my discontent due to my bad mood and my irrational thinking. Besides from this, I think I am having a big problem in communication skill, especially in persuading people to join some activities. Sometimes I asked myself, Is it I not sincere enough? My attitude problem? My face problem? Is it because of I don't really care about how other people talk bad about me,then they also don't care about what I did? I do really think that the class will not have any difference if I am not even exist in the class. Sometimes I do really feel that I gonna give up anything that I doing. But problem is I must complete my responsibility and I must complete the task given to me. Maybe sometime really cannot force other people to do something, maybe they have something to do. But because of my bad attitude, sometimes, i do really feels that if everyone join the activity, it would be more fun and maybe we can get to know each other well after this activity, or maybe get benefits from it. but just because of this, maybe other people will just think I am forcing them to do something that they don't want to. It is hard to change my bad attitude and I don't know how to change this bad attitude. Besides from this, sometimes I do really feel loneliness. Felt that there no one can to be talk about such as voice out my discontent. I think through blogging, that is the only way that I can voice out. From what I did, I must take the consequences. I think I should end this and fixed this as soon as I can.